Final letter as a missionary....June 10, 2013

Hard to believe this is the last letter from our sweet Sister Smith.  As her mom, I've done a horrible job in updating her blog.  I apologize profusely!  Ashley has been an incredible missionary...I don't say this because I am biased...I say this because it's a direct quote from her mission president!  We anticipate that this transition from a full-time missionary back into 'life' as we know it, to be a bit challenging for her.  She has LOVED this experience!  Please don't hesitate to contact her!  Her homecoming talk will be June 23, 2013 at 9:00 am.  The address and more info to come!

I guess I appreciate the hymn, "God Be with You Till We Meet Again," even if it makes me choke up.  It's like asking a blessing on those we're leaving!

 

I don't really know what to write to you this week.  I feel kind of stunned, sitting here at the Gouverneur Public Library.  I've been bouncing back and forth between feeling like I'm just being transferred to a new area in the mission and feeling like I'm going to die (exaggeration) or have an anxiety attack because I'm leaving the mission in just a few days.  It's surreal.  It hasn't REALLY been 18 months, has it? 

 

There is much to do. :)

 

The temple was so wonderful.  I'm so thankful that Heavenly Father makes sacred covenants with us in His Holy House.  The tours were great, and I felt the Spirit all day, and I learned a lot about Church history, but I really wish that I could have spent more time in the temple, just to think and to pray and to feel.  It's okay--there will be time for that.  And it was enough.  I realized as I spent some quiet time in the Sacred Grove that I didn't need to visit the Sacred Grove to gain a testimony, to KNOW that Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ appeared to Joseph Smith over 100 years ago.  I already know that.  I feel that, I believe it.  But it was a very strengthening and sacred experience to be in the place that it occurred.  Heavenly Father knows each of His children and He helps each of us.  Isn't it amazing that He is sending His emissaries in such force and magnitude to fill the earth?  This time is so important in the Lord's plan.  We are gathering Israel--how magnificent!  His promises endure, and we are blessed to be a part of the fulfillment of His promise to His covenant people.  We are blessed to bring His covenants to the rest of His children!  NONE of it is possible without the Lord, because this is not the work of man.  The rewards are not the rewards of this earth.  Only He can do this, and it's been rolling forth as a stone cut without hands since His gospel, authority, and revelation was restored through Joseph Smith.  How great is our Almighty King!

 

Sister Acton and I were discussing the principle of charity and its ability to divide without diminishing.  Because it comes from God.  Perfect love and the love of Christ--that can only come from God, and He is Endless.  The people in the New York Utica Mission have divided my love--non-members, members, and missionaries alike.  I will love these people forever and for always. :)  And I feel like I never want to quit helping them, because I love them so much.  Isn't there more that I can do here?  It'll just be done in a different capacity.  And I infinitely love YOU, so I want to come and help you as much as I can.  I pray that I will be shown what I can do.  So I'll need to keep the Spirit (2 Nephi 32:5)!  Will you help me keep the Spirit in such great closeness?  It will take diligence and I will still need to stay out of Babylon. :)  Our Father has made covenants with us and He will fulfil His promises as we are faithful and diligent in fulfilling ours. 

 

If we could all really understand our Father's plan, and our eternal and divine destinies, it would change so much.  These wonderful brothers and sisters here in Gouverneur, and all over the world--if they could look through eyes of faith beyond this temporal existence, then how much would change!  There is more than our everyday plans.  There is so much more.  It just reminds me of a great scripture that we memorized when President Bulloch was here:

Doctrine & Covenants 123:12-14, 17 
12 For there are many yet on the earth among all sects, parties, and denominations, who are blinded by the subtle craftiness of men, whereby they lie in wait to deceive, and who are only kept from the truth because they know not where to find it—
 13 Therefore, that we should waste and wear out our lives in bringing to light all the hidden things of darkness, wherein we know them; and they are truly manifest from heaven—
 14 These should then be attended to with great earnestness.
 17 Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed.

I'll see you soon!  I LOVE YOU FOR ALWAYS!

Sister Smith

 

Letter of Feb 18, 2013

I hope you had a great week! It seems like it was pretty good with doctor visits and such! :) Life's been good o'er here in New Hartford. Sister Wilson is our new companion, hailing from West Jordan, Utah. Pretty close, no? Oh, the proximity reminds me of a rather interesting experience--we were checking up on a young man who'd met with missionaries about 2 or 3 years before now to see how he's doing, and we met his mom! She informed us that he's now living in SANDY, Utah, and working at one of our local ski resorts. Ha! Small world! It was a neat experience besides that, though, because when we first started talking to her she was pretty closed off, but the more we answered her questions and taught simple principles of the gospel, the more she opened up until Sister Adkins taught about the Spirit World and she responded with, "Yeah, I can see how that could be true..." Hopefully we'll get to talk to her again in the future.

Sister Wilson is really, really great! Oh goodness, she's been so prepared. She's only 20--she turned 20 a few days before she entered the MTC. :) She was a big time dancer--we'll be going to the church today so she can dance a little bit, and I'll shoot some hoops (yes, Rob, I'm working on my skills), and Sister Adkins will play the piano. A good system. This tripanionship has been incredible so far! Sister Wilson is a leader--she really listens to the Spirit, knows our purpose and sticks to it, sets goals and earnestly works to accomplish them. She has one of the most focused minds I've...met? I don't know that that's the correct way to say it, but she really has sharp focus. It's really helpful, since my mind moves a little more slowly and sluggishly. And Sister Adkins is just stepping right up and doing so well. Talking to people and teaching is fairly easy now, because we can trust that each of us is going to contribute and listen to the Spirit, and it's not dependent on just one companion.

Our investigators aren't really progressing, and all the appointments we'd had with them for this past week fell through, but we found a great woman while tracting the second day Sister Wilson was here! She was about to shut the door after we'd introduced ourselves and such and she'd expressed that she wasn't feeling well and couldn't talk, but I felt inspired to ask her if we could say a prayer with her. She accepted and when we asked when we could come back, she invited us in out of the cold to figure it out. We then proceeded to teach and testify of the Restoration. It turns out she wasn't satisfied with her previous religion, and was very open to reading the Book of Mormon, especially as we read about the Savior's Atonement in Alma 7, and testified of His love for her. It was so powerful! And all three of us were participating! It was really great. We have an appointment with her tomorrow.

Tripanionships definitely have their difficulties, but mostly ours is coordinating all our thoughts and putting everything to action. I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed with all the changes we're trying to make in the area, because of inspirations from the Spirit, but I know Heavenly Father will help us to become even more unified as we continue to communicate, study, work together, compromise. We're laughing a lot. :) It's interesting how just one new companion and a new transfer can change things so much--they're good changes, I'm just trying to keep up. I need a lot of grace and mercy right now. That reminds me of what I studied this morning--I was thinking about the Atonement and really feeling forgiven and trusting that you've been forgiven when you've fully repented. The promise of the Savior is that He will forgive us and heal us (3 Nephi 9:13-15) when we come unto Him and repent, but sometimes I think I don't trust that promise because I feel like I need to always remember my mistakes in order to be humble and show Heavenly Father that I know my weaknesses. But what I realized this morning--by the blessing of the Holy Ghost's inspiration--is that Heavenly Father doesn't want us to always remember, necessarily. He wants us to learn. He shows us the perfect example through His Son who has told us He'll remember our sins no more when we repent, so...why do I stubbornly hold on to my mistakes? That's not full repentance, I don't think. We have to let things go. Real, true humility is recognizing that we need the Savior's sacrifice to heal us, and ALLOWING it to heal us by living the gospel and moving on. We can't progress if we keep going down the stairs to look at the stain we left there. Check once that the spot treatment worked and then move on! Right? Right. Easier said than done sometimes, but I know it's possible because that's what the Savior's promised. Every effort we make has an impact on our progression.

Well, well, I need to go. We had a survey we needed to complete before a conference in March. The pictures are of my "daughters" and "granddaughter" (I "trained" Sis Palmer, Adkins, and Wilson, and Sis Palmer is "training" Sis Richardson...), and us with our favorite chihuahua friend!

I love you so so much! Thank you for the Valentine's day box! We are still enjoying the treats. I will not be eating the Earl Grey Tea, Jasmine Tea, coffee, and rum chocolates...but everything else will be good. :)

I love you for always! Have a WONDERFUL and Spirit-seeking week!

Love, Sister Smith

Letter of March 11, 2013

Don't worry, we don't have bedbugs.

There are some sisters in the mission who do, unfortunately, and even more "unfortunately" is we were supposed to go on exchange with them this past week...Which would mean Sister Wilson and I would've been entering the war zone...Needless to say, we didn't exchange--instead, we "blitzed" the area! All five of us sisters served up in the area for a day. We split up into two companionships and worked hard, and it was a great experience! I'm remembering a word...blitzkrieg? I don't remember what it refers to other than something to do with one of the World Wars. Anyway, the sister I served with and I went to an area by the Thousand Islands (yes, the dressing was invented up there--AWESOME) and met some really great people and were able to see the Spirit of God work on the hearts of those we met as we talked to them, bore testimony of our Savior's love and plan and gospel, and prayed with them. The power of prayer is real. It really is communication with our Father in Heaven! And He really does listen and answer! It was incredible to share that with people, not just by telling them, but by praying with them and helping them to experience it for themselves. We ought not be stingy with our knowledge, especially not about the importance and availability of prayer. Anyway, anyway, anyway, it was wonderful. We all met some savory people and have some good stories, but I'm running short on time. Again....Sorry!

There have been so many miracles over the past week! Many miracles yesterday in TIMING. We got to church and were able to set up a time that day to go and meet a member family that I've never visited before, and the plans got kind of thrown off, but we were able to save travel time and miles on the car, and be where we needed to be at all the remaining hours of the day! Oh goodness, it was just so humbling to see the Lord mold our day and our efforts into what they needed to be.

I just have to express how thankful I am that our companionship is unified! We are working TOGETHER. We have the same goals--even if they didn't start out the same when we were milling ideas around in our minds, they have BECOME the same goals. It just hit me that we're having success in seeing the Lord's hand in our work, our lives, our efforts, our friends' lives, because we are on the same page and all working together to keep the Spirit and be instruments. When we aren't all actively trying to accomplish that instrumentality in the Lord's hands, then it doesn't quite groove the same way. The progress doesn't move "onward and upward" without that unity and the Spirit that comes with being unified. What's incredible, too, is that the unity and progression, the miracles and the Spirit can be in every relationship, not just missionary companionships. It takes communication and CHARITY and humility and work, work, work...but those blessings come if we do those things. Hm. That's a really neat inspiration.

I keep getting kind of depressed whenever a thought comes about leaving missionary life and this calling, this place, these people. I don't understand a lot of things--specifically, recently, I haven't understood these things: why I can't serve as a full-time missionary for 2 years and why I'll have to leave. I don't know why. I don't know. But I trust Heavenly Father's plan. His plan is revealed, always, by His AUTHORIZED servants. They have told me that I'll be serving for 18 months, and I trust Heavenly Father's plan. I don't need to know why, not yet. I'm sure one day I'll learn why, but I don't need that right now. What the Holy Ghost has told me I need to know now is that I am a full-time missionary. I am a servant of the Lord Jesus Christ, representing Him in this area. I have been called to invite others to come to Him by HELPING them RECEIVE the restored gospel through faith in Jesus Christ and His Atonement, repentance, baptism, receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, and enduring to the end. I am here now. I think patience includes being happy with the Lord's will and accepting it, now. I'm so thankful to be an instrument in my Savior's hands. I'm so thankful that I can be guided by the Spirit of God all day, every day, so long as I live the gospel of Jesus Christ. And I'm so thankful for the time He's given me to gather Israel in His Vineyard TODAY.

I love you so so much! I hope this week will be a really great one, filled with Spirit-seeking. Life is so good and rich with the Spirit. And so it is so good and rich while we live the restored teachings of Jesus Christ.

I love you for always!!

Sister Smith

Letter of March 4, 2013

We did have another interesting and exciting week! As Sister Wilson, Sister Adkins, and I continue to set goals and follow the plans that the Lord inspires, we are seeing improvement in our opportunities to teach, not just to knock. :)

There are loads of new areas opening up next transfer for all of the loads of missionaries coming!!! It's so exciting! Every time I think about it I become giddy! I'm so thankful to be a missionary right now, with the critical and impressive growth in missionary work all over the world, especially in the NYUM. I'm pretty sure that I came to earth when I did to be here when I am.

While I went to a meeting for like...6.5 hours on Friday, Sisters Adkins and Wilson "blitzed" New Hartford--the other sisters who were in the meeting with me obviously have companions, and those two companions split up with my companions to work in different parts of this area. A lot of work even though one New Hartford sister wasn't there. A planned miracle.

We visited with a woman this past week who really impressed us all by her closeness to the Spirit. She's a woman who joined the Church in the '70s and has been faithful in her conversion to the gospel of Jesus Christ since then. This is a woman who had to raise 5 children on her own after her husband left, and who has severe anxiety. She had to "hide" behind her children to feel comfortable going to church even though she LOVES church. And now her children are grown and moved away, so she is left with her anxiety. What impressed me the most is that she is so committed to doing all she can to serve the Lord and show her love for Him and for others. She can notice very intricate changes in her body when she eats and drinks different things, so much so that she has received personal revelation about the Word of Wisdom to be applied to her lifestyles--kind of making her observance of it more strict than is specified in the revelation itself. But when she told us about it, I was reminded of what President Wirthlin had just taught us in a meeting--that when we are strict to obey exactly the commandments and standards of the Lord (especially those pertinent to missionary work), then we'll receive greater guidance to know the finer, more minute things that are acceptable of the Lord. When we seek to obey not just the letter of the law, but the spirit of the law, then we receive the blessing of greater understanding. So that's what struck me about this sister--she understands the spirit of the law, so she's been able to better keep her body, her temple of the Holy Ghost, clean from bad influences for her.

Tanner is home! Woah. I loved the pictures, thank you! He looks so...mature. I love missions! I love being a missionary! That reminds me--I asked President to extend my full-time service, and he said that he'd already tried with "the Brethren" to extend some other missionaries recently and the answer's always no. Sigh.

I had sushi this week. Well...the pieces I had were from a California roll, so maybe that doesn't count. But I liked it! Sister Wilson LOVES sushi.

Sister Wilson's parents were called to preside over a new mission in Africa!! We KNEW she's more pure and of a good crop. :) She's really, really happy.

I'm trying to learn to laugh and use humor through stressful times and situations. Sister Wilson and Sister Adkins are pretty good at it, so I'm picking up tips.

Well, well, I have got to go finish my laundry!

I love you for always!!!

Sister Smith

Letter from Feb 25, 2013

First of all--I can't believe Tanner comes home this week. I hope he can get right into some sort of work and keep on keeping on! He will. :) Please give him a big hug from me! And all the Schroeders.

I love being in this companionship. I told Sister Adkins and Sister Wilson a couple of days ago that they are going to be leaders in the mission--they already are. They both work so diligently and are always focused on improvement and growth. The Spirit is our first and Senior companion and the work moves onward and upward daily. It's been interesting to see the differences in the work over the past couple of weeks. The first week Sister Wilson was here, for instance, we found someone new to teach and contacted a lot of people. This past week we have worked a lot with members of the church who aren't very active in using the Gospel of Christ. We keep our sights raised high to our goals, because we know Heavenly Father wants them accomplished--He inspired us to set them--and one day all those goals will be met, I'm sure. It's so incredible how prepared these beautiful sisters are. They aren't just learning right now, but they're DOING, they're heeding the Spirit, they're augmenting growth in the area and our companionship because of their diligence and love. I feel so privileged to be serving with them. This morning I was thinking about where I was spiritually before I was set apart as a full-time missionary; the school year before I went home to prepare for the mission I did good things like read my scriptures daily, attended church weekly, participated at church weekly, magnified a calling, prayed daily, studied Preach My Gospel, went to classes...but I can see in retrospect how I was kind of at a stand-still. Hadn't quite flat-lined, but I don't think I was necessarily progressing. I was just doing the same old things I'd done before. Good things, right? But there wasn't a whole lot of growth. Despite my stand-still, Heavenly Father in His mercy, extended to me a calling to labor in His vineyard. Despite my not quite feeling the motivation of my serving a full-time mission even though I knew with my mind the motivation, He in His mercy qualified me to serve. Despite my bad habits and laziness, He allowed me to enter His Holy Temple and make more promises with Him, and He made more promises with me. Despite all my weakness, He in His mercy loves me and helps me become so much more than I can even fathom becoming. I am AMAZED. If I hadn't had the goal and intent to serve a mission for the Lord when I was younger, then I don't know if I would've been in the frame of spirit to apply for full-time missionary service after that sophomore school year. I really don't. And so I'm amazed, amazed, amazed at my Heavenly Father's mercy in getting me here. This is where I need to be. And I have changed--I can't go back, I can't "return," because I know better. And I only know better because of the mercy of my Father. I am so thankful! Rob--now is the time to prepare. Don't just set a goal and get everything ready for you to go. Get your spirit excited and motivated to do the work of the Lord for the right reasons. We cannot use the infinite gift of the Atonement to become more than we now are without God's priesthood. Doctrine & Covenants 84:19-22:

19 And this greater ^apriesthood administereth the gospel and holdeth the ^bkey of the ^cmysteries of the kingdom, even the key of the ^dknowledge of God.

20 Therefore, in the ^aordinances thereof, the power of ^bgodliness is manifest.

21 And without the ordinances thereof, and the ^aauthority of the priesthood, the power of godliness is ^bnot manifest unto men in the flesh;

22 For without this no ^aman can see the face of God, even the Father, and live.

Likewise, without the priesthood ordinances, people cannot feel the Spirit, be forgiven of their sins...LOVE motivates this work, NOT OBLIGATION. It is a priesthood duty, yes, but what is our Heavenly Father's purupose? (Moses 1:39) He loves with perfect love and He asks His disciples to love as well. Loving our brothers and sisters and understanding how much PEACE and happiness they will have as they live the gospel of Jesus Christ--that should motivate us. If that isn't the motivation now, I am a living example that it can become the motivation. :) I am so so thankful for this opportunity to represent the Lord's Church and the Savior Himself, in bringing my brothers and sisters closer to Him. Every sacrifice is worth it. I've shared this a lot this week--2 Nephi 4:34-35...

34 O Lord, I have ^atrusted in thee, and I will ^btrust in thee forever. I will not put my ^ctrust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his ^dtrust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm.

35 Yea, I know that God will give ^aliberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me, if I ^bask ^cnot amiss; therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee; yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the ^drock of my ^erighteousness. Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God. Amen.

Nothing else in this life is worth our effort or sacrifice, because this whole existence is for us to become like our Heavenly Father so we can obtain His perfect happiness.

I'm sorry, I was just really overwhelmed by this this week, most specifically today. :) I have to tackle my thoughts every day to not be depressed about how much time has passed already. The only way I can do that, though, is just by focusing on the good things my companions are doing and becoming. Down time's frown time. Haha. Really though.

I went on exchange this week with...Sister Palmer!! Yesss! It was AWESOME to work with her again and see how much she's grown. She's training a new sister who came out with Sister Wilson, and they opened up a new area for sisters--Oswego. Right by Lake Ontario. :) So I worked up there for 24 hours, and it was so fun. We met a lot of great people! I'll just share one experience from the exchange. We'd decided to focus a lot on just meeting new people ("finding") for the exchange, so Sister Palmer and I walked all morning on Saturday and knocked on doors. Oswego is much bigger than Ithaca, and there was a LOT of snow and a LOT of slush which soaked my boots and made raisins of my feet, but we talked to lots of nice people. We knocked on one door, expecting to meet someone who'd talked to missionaries in the past, and found a man who'd lived in that house for 25 (?) years. We introduced ourselves and he responded to the introduction by telling us he was Catholic but had left the church. We asked why and he told us that he'd been molested when he was a child. I felt so much love for this man; I testified of our Heavenly Father's love for him and we talked a little bit more. For a man who opened the door and started the conversation with quite a bit of hostility, he became soft and appreciative as we promised to come back in a month to see him. The Spirit was so strong and I know he felt our Father's love for him--he felt something and responded to it. It was so neat!

Well, we have another interesting and amazing week ahead. :) I'll tell you about it next Monday.

I love you for always!

Sister Smith